It's one of those subjects that is difficult to quantify. Ask anyone who ever attended school if they witnessed bullying and you will always hear a yes, to some degree. Ask educators today and some will tell you that not only does it exist, it is getting more vicious. In spite of all the efforts to educate, and expect good treatments between students, the fact remains: bullying is common.
The triggers for bullies are generally shallow and petty, revolving around appearance and dress. But to school age kids, the reasons, however inconsequential they seem, don't matter. Bullying has very real consequences for the victim: dread, fear, insecurity, and a sense of injustice.
A bully looks for is someone to make him feel big and powerful. He initially looks for someone who looks helpless. All bullies are counting on the victim to give them what they want -- to be upset, to cry, to show fear, or to act angry. Instead, the best way for someone to protect himself is to simply NOT react. Ignore him, walk away, or tell him to stop. Period.
The other main thing a bully looks for is someone who is alone. The best way to avoid bullying is to stick together with other students. The common bully does not want to attract attention, so if you make eye contact, tell him to leave you alone, and stay with some others students, you can often avoid confrontations.
Another way to feel more confident is to know some self defense moves, although actually practicing them on campus is likely to bring on more trouble than the bully himself. But the simple matter of boosting your self respect and confidence could be enough to keep the bully at bay. In most student situations, an adult is not present or the bullying takes place off campus. Knowing some simple ways to defend yourself can instill a sense of calm, self control, and non threatening inner power which is often enough to make a bully think twice before instigating a power play.
When bullying starts, it's often with a casual rude remark, name calling, and criticizing in a petty way. Before reacting physically, or with emotion, it's always best to laugh and walk away. By simply and effectively tossing off the comment, the bully is denied the very thing he wanted - control and power over another person.
The one fact which may come as a surprise to the person bearing the burden of the bullying is that he or she is not the only one to feel helpless, angry, and scared. The potent and socially devastating effects of bullying are that everyone feels this way when they see it. You are not alone, nor is anyone else. Bullying affects everyone, but if no one says or does anything about it, everyone feels isolated from one another.
More and more schools are adopting a "no bullying" policy, along with education about how kids can handle it together. Aside from stricter repercussions for bullying (and that's up to the adults in the schools), students are encouraged to act together confronting bullying if they see it when an adult is not around. By encouraging kids to act, and by educating them on the truth of how it affects everyone in the school, students are free to speak out and stand up the bully. That takes courage, admittedly.
The sad fact is that most bullies become hated and despised by high school. They tend to be the ones with very few friends; no one trusts them or wants to associate with them after they hit their teenage years. Most bullies become loners and are often the ones who turn to criminal behavior before they are even adults.
The bully is a problem in many schools, indeed, but by training kids in how to deal with one, and encouraging strong peer relationships as a means of dealing with the bullies, most schools can deal with the problems before they peak in violence. Further means of ridding schools of the threats, requires adults to take the problem seriously when it occurs, assuring the victims that their strong, peaceful means of combating bullying will be upheld with stricter consequences if the problems continue. An adult/child solution is almost always an effective means of thwarting bullies.
Armando Toral is a 3rd. degree Black Belt in Aikijutsu and creator of the Useful Self Defense Video Series, to get your free access to watch a sample video go to:
http://www.usefulselfdefense.com
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